Okay, so as most of you know, I just graduated high school. It is a truly exciting time, and I loved being around all my family and having parties! However, through all of the congratulations and celebrations, I seem to have failed to notice the finality of it all. I know, every other high school ex-senior has already had their own existential crisis, but mine just now hit, so bear with me.
I loved high school so much. Especially senior year! I made so many new friends, strengthened old friendships, and (sadly) lost some. Now, I’d like to go on a rant about how amazing my class was and how tight-knit we were, because, yes all of that is true. However, there were obviously some people that just irritated me. I remember thinking during some class periods, just a few more days of their crap, and then I never have to talk to them again. I know that sounds rude, but come on, nobody truly gets along with everybody for FOUR years. Anyway, I spent the end of the school year counting down the days until graduation, wishing I could skip ahead to the glory of college. However, now that it is gone, the panic has set in.
There is a very good chance I might NEVER see or talk to some of the people in my class ever again. Honestly, right now I could easily ghost out on anyone I want, and never have to face them again. Soon enough, they will be distant memories or funny stories. Never again will my 2nd period lit class form another inside joke, or will I hear Mr. Brackney counting down the seconds until class starts. Never again will our entire class be united in complaining about our latest first world problem. Yes, many people annoyed me with their high-and-mighty attitudes, but I also had some sort of connection, on some level, with everyone. I remember wishing to never talk to some people again, but now I am terrified that my wish just might become true.
In the weeks following school, I have been casually stalking some of my former classmates on social media, as one does. (Just me? Oh, Okay…) Some of those people who I wished would disappear are now just living their own lives without me in it. I can’t help but wonder: How will they remember me?
Will I be, Rachel: The really short girl who would never stop talking?
Or maybe, Rachel: The one who always hung out with Merry and Gabi?
Maybe I’m Rachel: The one who disagreed with me on EVERY political and/or religious standpoint?
Or most chillingly: Rachel… Rachel who?
I know that it would be hard to totally forget about someone in our class, because we were just far too small for that. But have you ever sat back to wonder how people will remember you? I can’t help but hope that the impacts I made on people were good ones, and that despite my grievances with certain members of the community, we are all a family in the end. I guess I will have to wait about 10 years for the reunion to find out…
So there you have it: My delayed existential crisis that comes with graduation. Now I get to stress out about college but, hey. That’s a whole different blog post. 🙂